Me and my guitar!

Hi. My name is Nathan. I’m a sophomore at Lincoln High School. My favorite things to do are play the guitar, listen to music, and hang out with friends at church youth group. I even met my girlfriend there. Everyone said we were a great couple and we should start dating so I thought, “why not.” We mostly see each other at youth group. She’s great, but something seems …… not right. She wants more. More time, more hanging out, more relationship, more sexual activity. I feel like I disappoint her a lot.

My guitar teacher, Tony, is awesome. He can do the most amazing licks on the guitar. I can’t wait until I can play as good as him someday. He’s in a band called the “Ghostriders.” They usually play in bars so I can’t go, but there’s an all age’s show coming up and I’m telling everyone I know to go. If you want to go to an awesome show email me for directions.

Tony and I have been spending a lot of time together. I love being with him. He grew up at my church and we both love playing guitar, so we have a ton in common. I find myself thinking about him all the time. Oddly enough, he said the same thing to me the other day. I know he has dated guys in the past so I guess he’s gay. I think he’s so great….does that make me gay? What does it mean that I have no interest in my girlfriend and I can’t spend enough time with Tony?

I guess this is really bothering me and I need someone to talk to about all of this stuff. I’m just not sure who I can talk to. We never talk about this stuff at my church so I have no idea what people there think. Some church folk are so “anti” gay, I’m afraid to say anything to anyone there. I could never tell my parents about my thoughts and feelings. Last year my cousin “came out of the closet” and no one has talked to him since. Our youth leader is awesome, but I’m don’t know if I can talk to her. What if she freaks out on me? On the other hand, my faith is so important to me that I want to talk to someone who can talk about that too. There’s a new group at school for gay and lesbians, but I don’t even know if I’m gay, so going to that group doesn’t really feel right. I’m just not sure what all these thoughts and feelings mean.

Can anyone out there offer me any thoughts on this? What does it mean that I think about Tony all the time? How come I don’t think about my girlfriend or want to spend time with her? Can I still be Christian if I’m gay? Why do so many Christians seem to hate homosexuals? Can anyone talk openly and honestly with me, without judging me?